Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

More incredible art from books. Guy Laramee and The Great Wall project. Take a look here.

I know, I know. Three months do not a monthly wrap-up make. But to mitigate, I have had the busiest three months of my career as a copywriter. This is great for me, not so good for my kids:

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You’re all rushing to complete projects before the holidays which means I’ve had another busy month: Read the rest of this entry »

The first in a series of monthly wraps. May has been varied and very busy. Here’s what I’ve been up to this month: Read the rest of this entry »

I had a notification from my kids’ school this morning. It’s an update to their behaviour policy. Paragraph two says, and I quote:

“Students in Year 7 tell us that they are particularly concerned about disruption to their learning occasioned by a small number of their peers who do not find the immediate attendant sanctions sufficient to deter them from repeating such behaviour.”

I think the last time occasion was used as a verb, we still used shillings. And sanctions being ‘attendant’ – rather than just er, sanctions made me smile. But beyond all that, just far too many words. Try this: “Students in Year Seven tell us they are fed up with peers who repeatedly disrupt lessons.”

Tsk. Detention for the Deputy Head me thinks.

If I say the word carrot, you’ll associate it with the colour orange. If I say banana, it’ll be yellow. And so on. Easy peasy. But if I said the word ‘celebrity’, what colour does that make you think of?

On Wednesday Bill Bailey posted a picture of a can of paint on Twitter. (There’s a joke in there somewhere about watching virtual paint dry, but that’s not the point). The point is the paint had a name. It was called ‘Celebrity’. And the colour of celebrity? A cross between English and French Mustard – an Entente Cordiale condiment if you like. Though what this particular sludgy tone has to do with celebrity, I’ve no idea. I suspect, in real life, Celebrity Flat Matt Emulsion is actually a dull gold colour and the namer was just being a bit lazy. Having said that; credit where credit’s due – it’s a big leap of faith from Cross Channel Mustard to Celebrity.

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Following my post on Thomas Allen’s book art photography, I’ve been directed to Brian Dettmer’s work. Dettmer’s pieces are quite astonishing. They’re hugely detailed; a result of his using surgical tools to carve into a book one page at a a time. Take a look at his site to see work spanning five years.

In a departure from my usual blog observations (blogservations? blobservations?) this is a brief but belated apology for the absence of writing samples and the continued presence of that annoying ‘updating’ message. I’ve been busy, but will try and sort a few appropriate bits to post soon. In the mean time, please contact me to request specific work samples or to view some of my latest stuff. This has worked well for recent enquiries, as I’ve been able to tailor samples to suit sectors and needs.

The last few months have seen me working on a disparate bunch of briefs from 2012 Olympic sponsorship programmes to corporate brochures, websites, tenders, news pieces and film reviews. I’ve been working for designers, brand agencies, charities, marketing consultants, local government, production companies, small business and FMCG manufacturers. I’ve also been training and continue to develop bespoke writing and tendering workshops for business. So if any of that sounds interesting, useful or relevant, please get in touch.

As you were.

I know it’s not nice to slam other people’s copy efforts, but this one really is screaming out for a virtual red pen. Charles Saatchi’s new show British Art Now has an accompanying catalogue which honestly defies belief. Here’s an excerpt all about the artists:

“Articulated as doublespeak, they hand-make the virtual, cite history in fugue fervour, and find the poetic and enduring in the cacophony of pop cultural din.”

Great isn’t it?

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I spent part of yesterday advising on sales copy. My client felt their existing copy wasn’t punchy enough and was – in parts – ambiguous. We talked a bit about ambiguity and then got onto the inevitable conversation about ambiguity in newspaper headlines, like this: “Stolen Painting Found by Tree.” Clever tree. And these: “Miners Refuse to Work after Death” and “Police Found Safe Under Bed.” Lovely.

From ambiguous to apparent, it’s always possible to swing too far the other way. Two cherished but quite hopeless headlines from the States: “Official: Only Rain Will Cure Drought.” And this one from the Collinsville Herald-Journal in Illinois: “Economist Uses Theory to Explain Economy.” Great!

Finally, from apparent to accomplished, my all-time favourite headline from Private Eye – on the library strike in Essex: “Book Lack in Ongar.”

Talent.

I went dancing last night. When I say dancing, I really mean just moving around to music. When I say moving around, I really mean shuffling. When I say shuffling, I really mean transferring weight from left foot to right foot in an ill-advised attempt to ‘get-down.’ Quite what I thought was going to happen once I’d ‘got-down,’ I don’t know. Discover the inability to ‘get-back-up’ no doubt.

I’m at the age – obviously – when the words ‘get-down’ can still refer to dancing rather than canine instruction. Which also explains my chosen style of strutting – see above.  But once the novelty of musical movement had worn off and the pitiful glances tipped into hostile glares, my prancing partner and I amused ourselves by producing a mental Venn diagram of dancing style and age.  What we realised is this:

If you’re under 20 you can pretty much do anything you like on the dance floor and get away with it.

If you’re between 20 and 30 and female, you’ll spend most of your floor-time with your arms above your head.

If you’re between 30 and 40 and male, you’ll dance like you did at your school discos. Thirty years ago.

If you’re over 40 and dancing like Beyoncé, you should go home.

If you’re over 40 and dancing like Ashley Banjo from Diversity, you should be ashamed of yourself.

If you’re over 40 and dancing like Fred Astaire, congratulations.

Who’s in the house. Etc.

I’ve read a lot of end-of-year top tens in the last week or so.  You know the thing: lists of just about everything in 2009; the best of, worst of, applied to a gazillion genres.  Lists that fill the December pages of newspapers and magazines, pad out every Sky TV channel between 7pm and midnight and cram the airwaves of Radio Local until your ears are inventoried-out.

So in the spirit of balance, I’m delighted to offer you my abbreviated end-of-year-honours. This won’t take long.

One category: ‘Most overused word in 2009.’

One winner: ‘Committed.’

Collecting the award: Politicians and their background cast – just about every business in the UK.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you one word that has continued to pop-up consistently and painfully during most of 2009. Like acid reflux. The most ill-conceived, lazy application of a word since ‘outstanding’ (my 2007 winner).

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Getting a Hip Hop / Hula Hoop combo a bit wrong however, isn’t quite the same as just getting it wrong.

Earlier this year, I was driving through North London when I spotted a few Traffic Wardens happily issuing tickets. On the back of their jackets were printed the words ‘Traffic Reinforcement Officer’.
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